David Robson: There's no denying that there's an economy of energy for each person and there's limits to how much can go out. Of course, I want to do more and more all the time and there's some people that are amazing that way in that, they can do so much.
They seem to do a lot of it really well, but I'm not one of those people.
I think part of getting older is trying to figure out what other things that you do want to spend more time on and the other things that you don't. I'm glad it seems like I'm doing a lot and doing it okay. Everything I do could always benefit from more attention.
Yeah. I've been doing the practices ongoing, meditation, on how you dispense energy, how you share energy in your life.
The practice, as much as I'm trying to focus on, technique and doing the proper Vinyasa, a lot of the learning I'm getting when I'm doing it, the message is telling me what's worth it. It's telling me what I need to spend more time on and what I can let go of.
This isn't my thought. I heard somebody say it before, but the more time you spend trying to meditate, the more time you have, because you bring more attention to the things that you're doing. Attention, I think, is called a [inaudible 00:01:57], it expands time, in a way. If you bring more attention to a moment, then that moment is much longer. There's more that you can bring to the moment, more that you can take out of it.
I think this practice also helps us do more.
I think probably family is the place where it's most revealing about how we're always coming short. Raising a kid, at the end of the day, it's, like, "I could have done better. I could have given more time. I could have given more attention." That's a calling, right? Because that inspires me, at least, to try harder all the time for my kids.
It is exhausting, especially when they're first around, babies. It definitely impacts practice. It changes the way that I do my Sadhana. My second child, when he was born, I tried to hold my Sadhana the exact same, getting up at 3:00 and everything. I think because I was trying to do that, I left it up to my wife to do more of the getting up to do the diaper changes and take care of the baby and things. It was equal agreement, but I think you have to look at that again. It's that economy? Is that Sadhana more important than my relationship with my son or my contribution that way?
Are they different? I don't know.
At this time, I'm a little more open about how my other responsibilities are going to interplay with my practice. Maybe that's a maturing message, but you still got to practice. I still want to practice. If I don't practice, then I start to feel crazy. Yeah. I don't know why I'm doing anything.
I need the practice and the practice helps me do those things better.
I wouldn't want to put so much energy into my practice that I was a bad parent. I'm always amazed by how you find these new capacities for love, for feeling, when the new baby comes. Maybe it's just biological. I don't know, but I figure, "Okay. I can't feel more than I feel. I feel so much with this kid around." Then I have another kid and I feel the same again. I feel it double.
How does this keep happening? I never felt like that before. It's, like, a new sense. It's really interesting in that way.
Very worthwhile. Sharath was always saying, “Have babies”. I remember when Stan (David's wife) walked in pregnant one year when we went to Mysore. She showed up in the office. Sharath looked at her and said, "Very good. Big improvement."
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